I know of several people who have met wonderful spouses through online dating. Unfortunately, some people are not as fortunate. Online dating can be an exciting way to meet new people, but it can also be a little like navigating a minefield in a romantic comedy—without the guarantee of a happy ending. Whether you’re swiping, chatting, or sending that first awkward message, it’s essential to be mindful of potential red flags that could indicate trouble. Here’s your ultimate guide to keeping your online dating experience fun, safe, and drama-free.
1. Over-the-top compliments and Love Bombing
Sure, we all love a good compliment, but if someone you’ve just started chatting with is bombarding you with grandiose expressions of love and affection, pump the brakes. Love bombing—lavishing you with excessive attention or flattery right away—can be a manipulation tactic. It can feel great at first, but it’s often used to control or rush someone into a relationship before red flags are noticed. Real connections take time!
2. Too Much, Too Soon
If your online match is pressing for personal details, asking for your phone number, home address, or even financial information right off the bat, that’s a major red flag. Scammers often use online dating platforms to collect sensitive information that can be used for identity theft or other malicious purposes. Stick to safe online chats until you’re confident in the person you’re talking to.
3. Inconsistent Stories
Pay attention to the details! If their stories don’t add up—maybe they mentioned they have a dog, then suddenly they’re allergic to dogs, or their job title changes every time you chat—this could indicate dishonesty. Small inconsistencies can snowball into bigger lies, and if someone can’t keep their story straight, they’re probably hiding something.
4. Avoiding Real-Life Meetups
You’ve been chatting for weeks, and every time you try to set up an in-person date, they come up with excuses—car trouble, a last-minute work trip, or even mysterious illnesses. While life happens, if someone is repeatedly avoiding meeting in person, they might not be who they say they are. Catfishing (pretending to be someone else online) is a real issue, and it’s better to find out sooner rather than later.
5. Vague or No Online Presence
It’s the digital age—most people have some kind of online presence. If you can’t find any trace of your match outside the dating app, or their social media profiles are oddly vague and underpopulated, this might be cause for concern. While some people value privacy, a complete lack of digital footprint could indicate a fake profile.
6. They Play the Victim
Does your match frequently bring up past trauma, horrible exes, or unlucky circumstances that make you feel sorry for them? While it’s natural for someone to have a rough past, be cautious if they’re using it as a means to gain sympathy and avoid responsibility for their actions. Manipulative people often use victimhood as a way to emotionally control others.
7. Pressuring for Intimacy
If your match is pushing for intimate conversations, explicit photos, or rushing the relationship to a physical level before you’re comfortable, this is a significant red flag. Healthy relationships respect boundaries and develop naturally. Anyone who pressures you into something you’re not ready for should be taken seriously and reported if necessary.
8. They’re Always “Busy”
If they’re always too busy to meet up but miraculously find time to keep chatting online, it could indicate they’re not really looking for a serious connection or might be juggling multiple people. Watch out for patterns of flakiness or lack of follow-through, as these behaviors often signal disinterest or dishonesty.
9. Overly Secretive or Paranoid
Do they avoid sharing basic details like where they work, who they live with, or what they do for fun? While privacy is understandable, being overly secretive might suggest they’re hiding something important—like another relationship or a sketchy past. Similarly, if they constantly accuse you of not being real or demand proof of who you are, it might indicate their own guilty conscience.
10. Gut Feeling
Listen to your instincts! If something feels off about the person you’re talking to—whether it’s subtle manipulation, odd behavior, or even a too-good-to-be-true vibe—trust that inner voice. It’s better to be cautious and safe than ignore the red flags.
Bonus Safety Tips:
- Meet in public: Always arrange your first few dates in public places, and let a friend or family member know where you’ll be.
- Don’t share too much too soon: Keep details like your address, workplace, and other personal information private until you’ve established trust.
- Video chat first: Before meeting up in person, suggest a video chat to confirm the person matches their photos and profile.
- Stay sober: On first dates, keep your wits about you—being intoxicated can make you more vulnerable.
- Report suspicious behavior: If someone is making you feel uncomfortable or showing any of these red flags, report them to the dating platform.
- Don’t send money: Don’t fall for a sad story about someone needing money. They may say their check is late, but they will repay you. There are scammers out there looking to make money off both men and women.
Conclusion
Online dating can lead to wonderful, lasting relationships, but it’s essential to stay alert and aware of potential red flags. Protecting yourself is the first step to ensuring your journey toward love is both safe and enjoyable. Remember, there’s no rush—take your time, trust your instincts, and have fun out there!